Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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