I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
