Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
