I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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