If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
