i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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