what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
