walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
