The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i out mim tonsoeep
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