I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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