he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
