The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
