I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
