If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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