I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
