Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
