Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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