i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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