I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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