Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
