just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
