the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
