i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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