Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
