she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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