omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
