You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
