so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
