Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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