Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
