so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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