Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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