I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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