On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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