can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
