It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
