i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
