Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
