did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
