While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
