While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
