Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You are a genius and a whore.
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