my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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