I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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