I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
