this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
