NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
