Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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