It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
