I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
