dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
