one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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