Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
