I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
