the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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