im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
