direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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