just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
