My brain says no but my pants say off.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
