It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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