even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
