I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
