dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
