Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
